“Average” Movie actor joins Real Madrid from Los Angeles

Press Release



“Average” Movie actor joins Real Madrid from Los Angeles

Veteran actor Sylvester Stallone is joining Real Madrid next season, in a shock move, it was announced today in Los Angeles. “Sly”, who was described by his current manager as an “average movie actor” is seeking to revitalise his career in Spain, following a disappointing loss of form in Hollywood.

As part of the deal, Everlast will be taking over as Real Madrid’s team sponsors, ousting Adidas. It is expected that the new team kit, featuring baggy silk shorts, high laced boots and no shirts, will be on display soon. A factory in Taiwan has already begun production of gumshields with the club logo.

Speaking shortly after the announcement, Sly, who was recently linked with Everton, said “Since I played in goal in ‘Escape to Victory’, I knew that football was my destiny. I feel at home on the gridiron in front of the old onion bag”.

Asked about his age, Sly told a reporter “Cause all I wanna do is go the distance. Nobody's ever gone the distance with Creed, and if I can go that distance, you see, and that bell rings and I'm still standin', I'm gonna know for the first time in my life, see, that I weren't just another bum from the neighborhood.” Mr Stallone is 60.

Commenting on the move, Real Madrid coach, Fabio Capello said “We wanted to bring in a few more tough Italians to strengthen the defence. I’m confident that Sly will use his fists appropriately.”

Modern business - My ethos

My ethos is simple - don't complicate things and you will be successful.

It is true that most modern businesses make a habit of complicating issues. How many times has someone stepped up to you and claimed that they are really important because they have the smallest, most productive team, or a small budget. Unfortunately in business that is not the way. I am not here to throw stones. I, like all human-beings, have my failings. I do not claim to be perfect, but I do have a skill that is 'making life simple'. My achievements are based on that simple ethos - saving companies in excess £150m so far.

I am not a business snob - it doesn't matter if you are 1 man business or 10,000. I am happy to help and will publish my weekly 'memoirs' starting in the next week or so allowing people to follow my progress. If you would like to know more then feel free to contact me via my website which is www.thebusinessgp.com. I would welcome your thoughts and observations.

Crouching tiger, hidden message.

Crouching tiger, hidden message.

Why plain English makes sense.

Mr C Onfusion, the owner of Oh No Ltd sits waiting to be called forward in the surgery waiting room.

Receptionist: Mr Onfusion, The Business GP will see you now.
Mr O: Thank you.

Mr O makes his way down to the door of his Business GP. ‘Come in’ says a friendly voice in response to his assertive knock.

GP: Good morning Clive, how may I help you?
Mr O: Well I….er…..um…it is a little embarrassing.
GP: Clive (smiling and leaning forward), you are amongst friends, please feel free to express yourself.
Mr O: I know that (looking worried), but nobody seems to understand me.
GP: (Leaning forward) Please carry on.
Mr O: Let me explain. The other day….
GP: (Nods)
Mr O: …….I was sat with my operations team. I asked them to submit a report to me explaining why the ERP system was not demonstrating the ROI we needed. Why the e-CRM component was not showing an increased rate of acquisition and retention, and growing our AWOP, ARP and GP.
GP: And what happened?
Mr O: Well they all looked at me blankly.
GP: I wonder why? (Looking blankly still)
Mr O: What do you mean?
GP: Well I am not sure if the problem is the ECG, BP, BCG, TB or even the HDTV.
Mr O: (Sits back, looks, and pauses for a moment) Pardon?
GP: Well at least I know the problem.
Mr O: You do – what is it?
GP: You have an acute case of ‘jargonitus’ it hits many senior managers in many businesses.
Mr O: Is it serious?
GP: It can be but I can help.

The GP takes out his notepad and starts writing. Taking a few seconds to carefully craft something. Mr O tries to see what is being written but it is too well shielded, so he waits patiently.

After a minute the GP presents him with a piece of paper.


AWOP+ROI+ARP+GP+ERP+eCRM=Jargonitus

Mr O: (Looking puzzled) Jargonitus???
GP: Yes a disease of the business executive. The ability to stop talking in plain English to those around you.
Mr O: Is there a remedy?
GP: There is, and it is simpler than you may think (GP starts scrawling on his prescription pad and hands it to Mr O)
Mr O: (Reading the pad) A dose of plain English every day for six weeks?
GP: Yes, if you write or say something that an 8 or 9 year old wouldn’t understand – then don’t say it or write it.
Mr O: Thank you so much.
GP: I will test you again in six weeks time.

Mr O leaves, a big smile on his face shows his relief.

The GP phones Jean his receptionist ‘Jean can you show Mr Sugar in for his 12.30 please.’

See me at www.thebusinessgp.com

The board see the crescent, the workers see the whole of the moon.

The board see the crescent, the workers see the whole of the moon.

Why your business strategies won’t work

Picture the scene. The Chief Executive of Endangered PLC, Ms D Point in a doctors surgery in her local village.

Receptionist: Ms Point, The Business GP will see you now.
Ms P: Thank you.

Ms P makes her way gingerly down to the door of her Business GP. ‘Come in’ says a friendly voice in response to her gentle, if not hesitant, knock.

GP: Good morning Diane, how can I help you today?

Ms P: Well I am er…..a little perplexed and sick.

GP: Go on (gestures the doctor) please tell me more.

Ms P: Well. The board went away in the early part of the year for the annual strategy review. When we came back we did the 2-3 day road show to share this strategy with the workforce – as we do every year.

GP: I see. (Leaning forward) So tell me more.

Ms P: I just feel, well, that the workforce either don’t get it, don’t buy it or generally try to find ways round the objectives.

GP: Well you can’t go round making accusations like that!

Ms P: Why not?

GP: Because I said so!

Ms P: Well that is not exactly fair or rational is it?

GP: Exactly (he says smiling)…………Now lets talk some more. Why do you present the strategy the way you do?

Ms P: Well we have always done it that way, and surely everyone knows the board is best positioned to formulate the strategy.

GP: Are they now? (Stroking his chin)

BoardTaking a piece of paper he draws the following:


...........................Board















Showing the diagram to Ms P he says.

GP: How you see something depends on where you sit. It doesn’t matter if it is a bunch of flowers, or a corporate strategy.

Ms P: Perspective? (Pauses while gathering thoughts) So its like looking at the moon, the board only see part of it but the workforce see all of it.

GP: Yes. Exactly. For the workers strategy is something done to them. A moment ago you didn’t like being told what to do, and furthermore as a board you can only see a small cross section of what needs to be done. To see the ‘whole of the moon’ you must firstly gain all of the perspectives. A good Japanese herbalist friend of mine says you must always ‘go to the place’ – until you do you will never truly know.

Ms P: I understand what you are saying BUT (a look of horror in her eyes)….we have too many workers to manage something like that.

GP: So what about a collective. No hang on, a forum?

MS P: A cross section of business representatives to help us focus on the whole?

GP: Exactly, and just think what that will do for morale, understanding, and completeness.

Ms P: So what do I do next then?

GP: (Writes on his prescription pad) I suggest you take one forum each month for six months. Then lets review the progress, but remember:
1. The more you know the less likely you are to be asked – so choose your team carefully.
2. No hierarchies – everyone presents for at least 10 uninterrupted minutes in every session.
3. Consider everything.
4. Have fun. (Handing Ms P the prescription and smiling)

Ms P: Thank you so much.

GP: Remember I am always here.

Ms P: I will.

Ms P leaves the room. The GP completes the note in the file and phones to reception ‘I’ll see Mr Branson for his usual 11.00 now, Jean’

See me at www.thebusinessgp.com